


Operation: Stormtrooper Threesome

by WildConcerto



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Exactly What It Says on the Tin, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Post-TLJ, Reydar Month, Reylo Fanfiction Anthology, The Author Regrets Everything, Three Dorks on an Undercover Mission, as usual, utter crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-01-26
Packaged: 2018-09-20 03:34:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9473561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WildConcerto/pseuds/WildConcerto
Summary: The scavenger from Jakku and the Imperial Archives bookworm formed quite the team in various tombs and old temples, but now came the time where even them couldn’t run around forever. Now, it was those talents the Resistance needed, in particular for this undercover mission. Finn would be useful as well, considering he had been a Stormtrooper once.Though, for this mission, the itchy wig wasn’t the worst thing for Ben. He was still furious at Finn for the wig: he looked terrible as a blonde, not to mention the glasses looked like something Naga Sadow’s grandmother would wear.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, if you're a fan of Finn and Kylo Ren bickering at each other like bratty kids, threesome jokes while there isn't actually a threesome (credit goes to the lovely diasterisms), undercover missions, and fluff that will probably give you cavities, you've come to the right place. 
> 
> Enjoy while I go and hide.

“Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay calm. Stay—”

“Can you stop repeating that? You’re making me nervous.”

“I’m talking to myself. Hey, glaring at me won’t work, bro. Not with that wig and those glasses.”

“Rey, why did you let that jerk choose the wig and the glasses?”

“I swear, if I hear one of you complaining again…” seethes Rey.

“He started it!” For a moment, Rey tried not to stand gaping at how both boys had managed to say it simultaneously. She took a deep breath, and clenched her fists. Finn and Ben brought their hands to their throat, struggling for breath and coughing.

“Rey…” Finn managed to mutter. “If—if Master Luke knows—”

“Well, Master Luke isn’t forced to work with you two nerfherders, isn’t he? If you two blow up this undercover mission because you can’t behave, I’ll have Chewie rip off your arms out of your sockets. Understood?”

Her grip loosened, permitting both Ben and Finn to gap for air.

“Anyway,” started Finn as an attempt to lighten up the mood, “what could possibly go wrong? There’s me, and you two. My dream threesome.”

It was only when Rey and Ben jolted their heads towards him, gaping in disbelief that Finn realized what he had just said.

“What? No… no, guys, I didn’t mean it that way! I swear!”

“Where did you learn that word?” scoffed Ben. “Stormtrooper sex ed?”

“What? No! Poe said that about me and—”

“Listen, it’s a well-known fact Dameron wants to get under you and your girlfriend’s sheets, preferably at the same time, and you’re the only person who’s unaware of that because—”

“Guys, what did I just say?” seethed Rey. “For the last time…”

“Okay, okay, fine,” replied Finn. “Anyway, we’re almost there.”

The next few seconds were silent. Rey sighed in relief.

“Ren?” said Finn, after clearing his throat.

“What?”

“We actually had sex-ed.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“What, did _you_ have any?”

“I was training to become a Jedi, you know,” replied Ben, his tone icy.

“Well, it shows,” snapped Rey, just as the turbolift doors opened. She ignored both boys staring at her: Finn, his mouth wide open under his Stormtrooper helmet, terrified to laugh and then having to face his partner in crime; Ben, his large ears flaming red, his blonde wig unable to hide them.

 

* * *

 

The Resistance was in shambles, and there were very few allies left.

The truth had been revealed throughout the galaxy that not only Leia Organa was Darth Vader’s daughter, but her son was Kylo Ren, the First Order’s (former) poster boy. It had resulted in her losing not only many valuable allies, but also what little credibility she had left towards the New Republic. Anyway, it was useless: the government was infiltrated with senators who had sold themselves to the First Order’s cause.

It had taken weeks before a strange trio composed of a runaway Stormtrooper, an ace pilot, and a mechanic managed to find the Millennium Falcon. It had taken a lot of convincing, and many, many adventures (according to Finn, it was always Ren’s fault if they fell into trouble. But according to Ben, it was Finn’s) for them to finally accept. But they had both accepted solely for Leia’s sake; both Rey and Ben had more than enough of the Resistance as well as the First Order, and would have remained neutral otherwise, continuing their quest throughout the galaxy for ancient artifacts.

The scavenger from Jakku and the Imperial Archives bookworm formed quite the team in various tombs and old temples, but now came the time where even them couldn’t run around forever.

Now, it was those talents the Resistance needed, in particular for this undercover mission. Finn would be useful as well, considering he had been a Stormtrooper once. 

Though, for this mission, the itchy wig wasn’t the worst thing for Ben. He was still furious at Finn for the wig: he looked terrible as a blonde, not to mention the glasses looked like something Naga Sadow’s grandmother would wear.

(Not to mention Finn had also suggested he could cut his hair for the wig to fit better. He still hadn’t forgiven that ex-bucket-head for that one, nor did he regret Force-choking him a little bit.)

Rey had gently suggested to wear glasses herself along with her own wig. Even with those and the ugly radar technician garb, she was still pretty. Kriff, she was _always_ pretty.

It wasn’t like Finn had much to sacrifice: he got to go around as a Stormtrooper. He wanted to be one as well: wearing that ridiculous helmet and the most useless armor ever and pretending to be among the worst aimer in the galaxy was still better than going around as a radar technician.

His mother had refused: he was apparently a little tall for a Stormtrooper, and she absolutely wanted Rey to always be near him. Ben knew the reason perfectly well: Rey was to keep an eye on him.

On the bright side, it meant they were sharing the same room.

Rey had arrived before him. The day had been quiet – well, thanks to her being constantly by his side, either smiling or either pinching him in order to keep his temper even. Except for that one time where he was on his own, minding his own business and fixing the calcinator, and Finn had kicked his wrench while asking "Whadup, Matt?". Jerkface.

Her bright smile was enough for him to forget about any kind of trouble.

She was sitting in a scramble of sheets and pillows on the floor. "I..." She started, lowering her eyes and blushing, as if she was embarrassed. "I made a nest. I—I wanted it to feel a little bit like home. I wish it wasn't so grey, though."

Ben couldn't help but chuckle. They had both been through so much, but in small moments like the "nest" on the Millennium Falcon, or that planter he had prepared for her as a surprise, since she loved green so much.

But despite the many trials, the Dark and the Light, and now the wig and the glasses, she was still Rey.

"Take that wig off," teased Rey. "Blonde is not your color."

"Tell that to Ex-Bucket-Head—ow!" He rubbed the back of his head. Rey crossed her arms. "You can't use the Force like that!"

"I can use the Force however I want. And stop calling him that!"

"He calls me Sithhead."

"It's--"

"I mean, I wasn't even a Sith!"

She buried her head in her pillow. "You are the _worst_."

Regardless, when he came and sat near her, she snuggled her head on his shoulder, picking up his glasses and stacking them on her own.

**Author's Note:**

> Complaints can be submitted in the comments, and at my Tumblr, cosette-giry.tumblr.com.


End file.
